Saturday, August 28, 2010

There's a sucker born every minute

Apparently, I was the one for my minute. I know this about myself. I really do, and I try to put safeguards in place so as not to be suckered, but, far too often, people slip through the cracks in my well-oiled armor.

Case in point: Friday night. Steve and I went on a date! I know, right? A real, live date with no kids in tow. It was pretty awesome. As we were leaving, Lily-Grace said, "I didn't know it was your anniversary." That is how often this happens. So, we went out to eat at this wonderful little Thai place, and then we thought maybe we'd go see a movie, but we'd missed all the 7 o'clock movies, and we'd have to put a second mortgage on the house to afford the babysitting if we went to a late show, so we opted for our old stand-by: go to the bookstore. Because we are nerds. We really are, and we're fine with that. In Midland, we'd go to Barnes & Noble, but in Abilene, they don't have one, so we went to Books A Million, which is a store in the mall.

So, we went our separate ways and perused the books and magazines, and about 8:45, we thought we'd head out into the mall to look around before it closed at 9. I guess it's pretty safe for the budget to only allow yourself 15 minutes to shop. So, Steve headed to Best Buy, and I just decided to walk around and look (I just realized that we spent a good part of our date going our separate ways...hmmm) So, I'm walking around, and usually I have one eye on alert for the people with the perfumes and lotions and samples and all that stuff just looking for a sucker like me to walk by. You know, I don't know what to say, except maybe it was getting late, and the shock of just being out without the kids had let my guard down, I don't know, but I was completely caught off guard by the little Israeli guy with the lotion! I know! Don't you know what I'm talking about?? The Dead Sea products where they suck you in with their exotic accents and massage your hands with sweet-smelling lotion and don't let go until you buy something so outrageously expensive that you are mentally flagellating yourself all the way to the car - yep, that's what I'm talking about.

Well, they guy calls out, "M'am? Would you like a free sample?"
"Oh crap!" Warning! Warning! The bells go off in my head. I pick up speed and keep walking, but I make the terminal mistake of looking back apologetically. At which point he calls out, "Can I just ask you one question?"
And I reply, quite rudely I might add, "No!" and keep walking.
And he actually hangs his head in shame and defeat, and I crack like the pussy willow I really am. So, I slowly head back, assuring him that I am NOT going to buy one thing. I think those were the exact words I said, and I even added that I had to meet someone right away, and I didn't have much time. He assures me that is just fine, and then pulls out that sweet-smelling lotion and begins to massage it into my hands and rubs a little buffer thing on my ugly nails to show me how shiny they can be, and I know I am a goner. Seriously, I really think they are trained to grab a hold of your hand and not let go until you have agreed to purchase something.
At one point my phone rings, and the guy (I even found out his name, Jed) is forced to let go of my hand so I can answer. It is Steve and when I tell him where I am, he calls out jeeringly, "Suuuckeerrrr." Oh shut up. He's worse than I am. He shows up and does absolutely nothing to help. I bet when Jed got a look at Steve his eyes lit up and dollar signs went off in his head, because that boy is more of a sucker than I'll ever be.

So, Jed goes back to the oiling and lotioning, and telling me what a good price he's going to give me. And at one point, I even hold up 4 fingers, and say, "Four. We have four kids."
And poor Jed gets all excited because he thinks I have just said I'll have 4 kits. When I have to explain, no 4 children, who we have to feed and clothe. He acts shocked and says he has never heard of such a thing, and says he will just give me his card. Gosh! If I knew it was going to be that easy, I'd have pulled out pictures long ago. But then he says, "Well, what do you like the best?" Why can't I just shut-up? Why do I have to answer? I say the buffer, and because Jed is such a nice guy, he is going to give us the whole set for just the price of the buffer - can you believe it? Suffice it to say, I now have shiny fingernails.

I think I will have to use the buffer to shine up my sucker armor. It obviously has some gaping holes.


  1. Sucker for it all! HaHahahaha!

  2. I always pretend to be on the phone when I go by those kiosk people. They make me crazy. *No, I do not want you to straighten nor curl one section of my hair with your miracle tool right here in the middle of the mall*

    And for the record, that's how ALL of mine and Mike's dates ended up - at the bookstore, and for the same reason, too! =)

    Love you!